ATC Jokes

Here are a few jokes that I received in an email. I don't usually post stuff like these, but these were pretty good.

These are actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f....ing bored!"
Ground Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f....ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the
runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway
101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany... Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any
assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark-- And I didn't land."

Still no news...

Still no news on the layoff situation. We were offered a concession package by the city that would help save our jobs. Our union voted to approve the concessions, and now it looks like the city isn't willing to accept the original offer that they made to us. Typical of the city in which I work.

In other good news, I did get to go fly the other day. Did a little cross country from Greene County to Bolton Field for some excellent barbecue at J.P.'s.

Here is photo of the airplane:


If you are ever in the Columbus area, and are looking for a great location for a Hundred Dollar Burger, give J.P.'s a try, you won't be disappointed!

Regionals in the News

This news story caught my attention on Geek's blog, and I thought it was very interesting: http://kstp.com/news/stories/S1041636.shtml?cat=1

I was curious after the Colgan Air crash to see how long the issues faced by regional carriers were going to stay in the news. I half figured that the politicians would get as much air time as they could out of it, and then move on to the new issue of the day. It would appear, however, that they are looking more closely into the issues. Hopefully some positive changes will be made.

In other news, I was notified that my financing for ATP was approved. If it does come to a layoff, at least I know that I have a solid back up plan now. I was told to expect a layoff. Then within 24 hours, I was told we may have a concession package that will prevent layoffs. We have another union meeting tonight with some new information.

Standing by for further...

ATP

I visited ATP at their new location in Indianapolis last week, and I must say, I was rather impressed. Their facilities, although still in the disheveled, in the process of moving in state, are going to be very nice. They are on the second floor of an office building on the airport at Eagle Creek, with windows that overlook the whole flight line.

They are currently offering PPL, Instrument, Commercial and CFI, CFII, and MEI with multi- and single engine endorsements for $55,000. Although it is a rather staggering amount, it is stilll quite a bit cheaper than Delta Connection Academy or Flight Safety. ATP claims that there are no charges for flying over the alotted flight time, as they just kick you out of the program instead...

I figure that if I fly at a Part 61 flight school, it would take me in excess of 350 hours to get these same ratings, and quite possibly much longer. As it stands, ATP guarantees 160 hours of multi and 110 hours of single engine time. 50 of the multi hours are in a FTD. None of the other Part 141 schools that I looked at offer that many multi-engine hours. Overall, I still feel like it's a decent value for someone who needs to get it done sooner rather than later. It looks like I will be laid off by October 31, and might be recalled sometime in May or June. Ideally, I can finish flight school and go back to work, getting hired somewhere as a CFI to keep current and build hours.

I am still waiting for something concrete from the city, or my union, so that I can try to start making concrete plans. Also, I still need to arrange that whole financing thing... Hopefully I will know something soon so that I can figure out what I am doing with my life for the next 6-12 months.

Even though nothing is certain yet, it's still exciting to be making plans, even if they are very tentative. I see light at the end of the tunnel...

Visions of Adulthood

I've been reading The Cockpit, written by Paul Galingher, and he included this paragraph that seemed to jump out at me:

"When you are a child, you have a vision of what you will be as an adult. It can be a dream to work toward, or maybe just something to take for granted. Then one day you realize you are there. You are the grown-up. But it is not the there you expected to be. Now you have a choice: either you smile at the innocence of childhood and shoulder the responsibilities of your adult life, or you leave."

Highly appropriate timing, as I am contemplating a career change so that I too can follow my dreams...

Broken Resolution

Well I posted back in January that I made a resolution to complete my Private Pilot license this year, however I am now officially breaking that resolution.

Because of the current economy, and the fact that cities operate off tax revenue from the previous year (think of paying your 2008 taxes in March or April of this year), my city will most likely be laying off employees. Business tax revenue is down as more businesses close, and many of our residents have also been hit very hard by foreclosure and unemployment. People who don't have a house or can't eat because of unemployment aren't going to pay taxes, or will be exempt from most and pay very little.

My seniority will protect me from the first round of lay offs, however if I am allowed by our civil service rules, I am going to take a voluntary leave (i.e. volunteer for a lay off) and go to ATP in Indianapolis. ATP does ab initio training, or will allow you to start with a PPL and 85 hours. I know that even if I complete my rating this year, I wont have the 85 hours and will have to go ab initio or wait until I do have the hours. It will also allow me to use the money to pay off bills and reduce my overall debt in preparation for a layoff.

I would sincerely hate to see layoffs happen because that means that other guys are out of work besides just me, however if it does happen, I am going to make the best of it and do this now, instead of waiting another 3-5 years for Kendall to finish PA school..

Even though at this point it is just a slight possibility, I am still excited at the prospect to do something that I have wanted to do for a few years now.

"...only the most logical thinking."

Lately I have been reading Ernest Gann. I started with Fate is the Hunter, which I really enjoyed, and I am currently working on The High and the Mighty. THatM was written in 1953, and reflects what I would imagine was the general attitude of the time. This line in the book caught my attention: "There was something unnatural about a girl standing on the flight deck- a hard place, composed of metal and instruments and controls which tolerated only the most logical thinking."

I wonder what Ernest Gann would think today to be on a flight with an all-female flight crew...